Baby Shower Ideas Home

I HATE My Husband's Sister!

I am not a big fan of my husbands' mother and sister. I have tried to mend strained relationships with his mother, however, the sister is another story. This is the same sister who called my home after the birth of my daughter, who is now 3 years old, and left profanity filled messages on my recorder because her mom and I got into a disagreement. His sister has never once apologized or acknowledged she was wrong and/or out of line.

My friends are throwing me a baby shower next month, as we are expecting a boy this time. I provided the hostesses with a guest list and I invited my mother-in-law. One of the hostess said it was wrong to not invite the sister and now my husband is giving me grief about it as well.

This shower is at my home and I feel as though I should not be made to feel uncomfortable in my own home and have to act as if there are not any hard or ill feelings between the two of us. In my opinion, that is fake. What is your take on this? Thanks.

Our Answer:

Hi there,

Thank you for your etiquette question. First of all, let me say that as the guest of honor, it is your opinion that matters the most. I have always given the advice that if there is someone that would cause bad feelings or tension at a baby shower that it is best not to invite them. A baby shower should be a happy celebration. It is a celebration of life and love. The last thing you want to have happen is a family shout out or brawl.

Your husband and hostesses are trying to help smooth over a bad situation and make everyone feel happy and included. This is understandable. What you need to look at is how not including her in the baby shower might affect family relationships in the future. It sounds like you do not want to save what is left of the relationship you have with her. By not inviting her, it will send a clear message as she will know that a baby shower was held without her. With the strained relationship with your mother in law, she might also be causing strife when she finds out her daughter is not invited.

It is your final decision, but you are not wrong to not include her in the festivities. Your husband probably feels torn between the women in his life, but it is his responsibility to back you up in your decision as I am sure he will hear more than his share about this from his family.

I hope you have a wonderful, relaxing and happy baby shower. Good Luck!

Return to Baby Shower Etiquette Questions


Return to Baby Shower Etiquette


Comments for I HATE My Husband's Sister!

Average Rating starstarstarstarstar

Click here to add your own comments

Rating
starstarstarstarstar 		Be up-front
by: Anonymous

I know this particular situation is long past -- but, I'm willing to bet there are other situations similar. I would invite the mother-in-law and let her know that due to uncomfortable tension between you and the sister that you will not be inviting the sister. Also, if the mother-in-law is upset over this - then let her know what went down and that there has been no apology from the sister and that is definitely needed to move on -- but, the longer time goes, the less likely there will be any relationship. I have been in a situation not much different than this -- and it seems that it is always okay for the daughter to treat the daughter-in-law like crap - but, heaven forbid the daughter is treated in a like manner. I never confronted my mother-in-law about the verbal abuse/action from the daughter and wish I had, maybe things would have been different. Hind-sight advice is to be up front with the mother-in-law and DON'T invite an individual that will only stress you out -- you have a baby to think about and undue stress is not acceptable.
Rating
starstarstarstarstar 		Invite her!
by: Anonymous

You should invite his sister. Obviously, she was protecting his mother after some bad words were expressed between you & his mother. It's wrong to exclude her. Don't forget that his sister was in his life long before you came along, so you will need to understand if he is upset. For the sake of the family, I would invite her.
Rating
starstarstarstarstar 		Just my opinion
by: Anonymous

My opinion is that it is your house and you should feel comfortable. Try to talk to your husband and ask him how he would feel if he was the guest of honor and not comfortable in his OWN HOME. It is probably hard for your husband to not share this joyous occasion with his family, but if the sister hasn't tried to make the relationship between the two of you good.........why should you. Life is short...do what makes YOU HAPPY! You don't need the stress on yourself or your baby.....don't invite her....explain to him why....and leave it!
Rating
starstarstarstarstar 		Suggestion: Change the guest list....
by: Megan

Another suggestion: If invites haven't been sent out yet, maybe you could scale the list back to just friends? That way, you could always have the excuse that only girlfriends were invited, not family, if that makes sense. It's especially helpful that your friends are throwing it! Good luck!

(PS I wouldn't invite her either, for the record!)

Click here to add your own comments

Return to babyshoweretiquette.

Return To Baby Shower Ideas Home