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Inviting The Grandmother To Be To The Friend Shower

by Corina
(Buffalo, NY)

My mother decided early on that she wanted to host her own baby shower for me and invite only her friends and family. Now I also have my best friend and step-mother in addition to my mother-in-law throwing parties (total of 3).

My mother appears to have the expectation of being invited to the friend/step-mother thrown party, and stated "I am invited to this one, right?" I feel extremely uncomfortable with my mother and step-mother in the same room. In the past, my mother has made rude comments about my father to my step-mom after a couple of drinks (i.e.- my wedding!!!)

I don't want to hurt her feelings because she is excited about her first grandchild, but I don't want to feel the stress. In addition, she did not plan to invite my step-mom to her shower. Does she need to be included?

Our Answer:

Hi Corina,

First of all, congratulations on the new baby on its way! Thanks for your etiquette question. I have always given the advice that if inviting a person to a baby shower were to cause stress and awkwardness that the best choice is not to invite them. As the guest of honor, you do have a say to who is invited to the parties.

I can tell from your post that your mom is very excited for the new baby and wants to be part of all the celebrations. But with the past comments she had made, you do have a risk of a uncomfortable and competitive feeling at your stepmothers baby shower.

I agree with you that the best scenario is to completely keep each baby shower separate from each other. You cannot exclude your mom from one party and invite her to another without her feeling left out.

What you need to do is let your mother know, with as much kindness and love possible, that you have decided to keep each baby shower separate from each other. So your friends will not be invited to your step mother's party, your stepmother will not be invited to hers and she will not be invited to either. This way you will be able to focus on your friends at that party, your mom at the next, and your step mom at the next.

Your mom will most likely be a little upset, since she is excited about the new baby. But this would be the best way to be fair to all parties involved. Best of luck!

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